Funny Jokes

Lawyer: Doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?

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Editor, not finding his readers content, asked one reader, "Do you think I should put more fire into my editorials?"

Reader: "No, Vice versa."

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Funny Jokes

A lion is getting married in jungle. There is a big bash and all animals are dancing to the tune of loud music being played.

In a corner, a rat is dancing too.

Rat is asked, "Hey! Why are you dancing?

Rat replied, "It's my brother's marriage, so only."

"When did the lion become you brother?"

The Rat: "Before marriage I was a lion too."

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Funny Jokes

Little Johnny was yelling in the Church after the Chapel: "Oh God! Please make Tokyo the Capital of China!"

The father inquired: "Why must you pray so, my child?"

Little Johnny: "That's what I've written in my answer sheet in the examination!"

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Funny Jokes

 A Sardar was sitting outside a store, crying. The manager of the store spotted him outside and asked what was wrong.

Sardar said his mother just died, and the manager said - "Oh I?m sorry. The Sardar's cell phone started ringing and he answered it, saying - "Hello! Haanji. Are you serious?" Then, he kept down the phone

The manager asked him who that was and the Sardar said - "That was my sister?her mom just died too!"

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Funny Jokes

Edward and Ricky are hunting, when Ricky keels over.

Frantic, Edward dials 911 on his cell phone and blurts, "My friend just dropped dead! What should I do?"

A soothing voice at the other end says, "Don't worry, I can help. First, let's make sure he's really dead."

After a brief silence, the operator hears a shot. Then Edward comes back to the phone. "Okay," he says nervously to the operator. "What do I do next?"
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Funny Jokes

Edward was late for office, and when he reached there approximately one hour after 8.30, the boss yelled, "You should've been here at 8:30!"

Edward: "Why? What happened at 8:30?"

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Funny Jokes

 Writer to his friend: I'm convinced that publishers have a conspiracy against me.

Friend: What makes you think so?

Writer: Ten of them have refused the same story.
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Funny Jokes

Smith: "Good Evening, old man. Thought I'd drop in and see you about the umbrella you borrowed from me last week."

Edward: "I'm sorry, but I lent it to a friend of mine. Do you want it?"

Smith: "Well, not for myself, but the fellow I borrowed it from says the owner wants it."

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Funny Jokes

A well dressed salesman stopped a man in the street and asked -

"Sir, would you like to buy a bottle of this mouthwash for $200.00?"

Aghast, the man said, "Are you nuts? That's robbery!"

The salesman seemed hurt and tried again -

"Sir, since you are a bit irate, I'll sell it to you for 1/2 price, at $100.00?

Again, the man replied bluntly - "You must be crazy pal, now go away!"

The salesman reached into his briefcase and pulled out 2 brownies and began munching away on one of them.

He told the irate guy - "Sir, please share one of my brownies since I have annoyed you so much".

The guy unwrapped the brownie, took a bite; suddenly, spit it out. Then, said: "Hey, this brownie tastes like crap!!!"

"It is," replied the salesman. "Now, do you want to buy some mouthwash?"

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Funny Jokes

Two children were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying.

1st Child: Why are you crying?

2nd Child: I came here for a blood test.

1st Child: So? Are you afraid?

2nd Child: No. For the blood test, they cut my finger.

At this, the first one started crying profusely.

The second one was astonished.

2nd Child: Why are you crying now?

1st Child: I came for a urine test!

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Funny Jokes

Osama bin Laden went to heaven and was greeted by George Washington, who slapped him and yelled, "How dare you try to destroy the nation I helped conceive?" Then, Osama faced a series of physical beatings by various presidents of USA. Osama was really in pain and asked an angel, "This is not what you promised me,"

The angel replied, "Come on, Osama, I told you there would be 72 Virginians waiting for you in heaven."

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Funny Jokes

John went to an Indian village. He did not know even a single word of Hindi. When he was crossing a lane, he collided with Indian women who did not know a single word of English.

Polite Englishman, repenting on the mis-happening, said, "Sorry for that,"

The embarrassed and angry Indian women replied,

"Badtamiz?ek toh takrata hai aur upar se bolta hai saree phar de!

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Funny Jokes

There were three ladies a blonde, a brunette and a red head. They all were expecting and were talking about their pregnancies.

The brunette said, ?My baby?s going to be a boy.?

The blonde asked, ?How do you know??

The brunette said, ?Because when we did it, my husband was on top.?

The redhead then said, ?My baby?s going to be a girl.?

The blonde asked, ?How do you know??

The red head said, ?Because when we did it, I was on top.?

The blonde started crying hysterically. She was calmed down after lots of efforts. Finally, she said, ?My baby?s going to be a puppy.?
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Funny Jokes

The salesman said, ?I can let you have this top-of-the-line stereo for nine hundred dollars, minus six percent, for cash?

The customer was really confused. Not able to figure the calculation, he replied that he would think about the deal and return the next day.

The evening, the fellow asked his blonde female friend, ?If you were offered nine hundred dollars minus six percent, how much would you take off??

The blonde replied, ?Everything, but my earrings!?

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Funny Jokes

Alice, a blonde, thought of doing something intelligent. She went to buy a puzzle for herself. She liked one and asked the shopkeeper to pack it.

The shopkeeper said: "Mam this is for three to six years."

The blonde insisted and bought it.

A year later, she finally managed to finish it. She laughed and said to herself,

"And the shopkeeper thought it would take me three to six years to finish this."

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Funny Jokes

Two girls were sitting and talking about their would-be-husbands. One of them said she has got an intelligent, caring, and good looking man.

Another girl was amazed and asked - "Where did you come across this rumor?"

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Funny Jokes

Joe was a lawyer. He told his women client the secret of long lasting marriage?.

The secret of a long marriage was take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. Have a candlelight dinner, with soft music and dancing. Go to rave parties?Try to maximize the fun in life...

But make sure your husband goes on one day and you on another?

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